had a long talk with jan last night. and it was heartening to know that someone else understands what you feel. thankyou jan! for all the encouragement and advice too. although the decision wont be changed. but at least i have a clearer image of what i shld do. at least i know that it wont turn out to be an impulse decision.

fyp qn was rejected again. awwwww. i have to tink again. go deeper deeper deeper mavis. ahhhhhhhh.... ok more lesson prep before i tink of fyp again.

tea break 1st! kfc! :)


i made a decision last night. and during today's service i confirmed my decision.

if you decide to bar me from the stage because of 1 missed practice last week den i don't see why i'm the only one sitting downstage today. i have never been so insulted before. and it really hurts.

but at this pt of time, it's not of my concern anymore cos i have decided not to go back.

我知道做决定必须经过理智的思考，而我深信我已经做到。


did a quiz i found on joy's blog :)

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


today i had to stay back to hold an aftnoon lesson. but no complaints cos it totally made my day! :) the sec 1 gals are really sweet. i'll miss teaching them! :)

it's small things like these that make you smile. and there are also things that ppl unintentionally do that hurt you. this is life. but i would very much prefer to have less of the latter :)

it's youth day hols on monday! although there's fyp meeting but i still thank god for the long break! :D


i've tried. i really tried. but it seems that things will never return to what they were before. many times i've contemplated just letting everything go. i'm not what you see on the surface. i'm trying very hard to smile every week. but it's tiring. and i'm tired.

nobody knows the effort i take to stay back every week. how much i've to persuade and to rush off after that. sometimes i feel all this is not worth it at all. when it starts late and we spend half e time just sitting there. waiting. and i've to leave halfway later cos it ends late and sometimes i even end up without lunch. and after i made the effort it's still my fault.

all these time i havent complained that i'm not making it on stage aft practicing. i know you have your rules. so i just automatically sit with the rest when it's time to present. not that i dont want to make contact. but how does it feel when everybody is preparing to go up and you're not. what's the pt of me being there when there wont be any end results. heck the rules. why shldnt i just choose the easier and happier route out?

i'm not complaining. i am just too tired. and disappointed.

坚强的理由，只是自己骗自己。


finally it's over. i dunno how i managed to pull it thru but i did. and i really thank god for it. hope tml will be fine too and it's e wkends. but e next stress on e list is fyp. meeting up with mentor again next wk. and seriously speaking. i'm not decided on my topic yet. i have bks on cinema and novels. but readin thru e cinema wans haven been able to gif me any inspiration. hopefully e novel wans can gif me a clearer idea. i need a focus plus research by monday. it's youth day yay! holiday! haha i totally forgot bout it. thought couldnt attend meeting. XD

am very hungry. lunch lunch lunch!


i'm exhausted. my eyes are teary. my legs are gonna break. and it's onli 10 out of 30 periods done. oh my. e xiong days will be tml and thurs. and e 1st ting i've to do is to wear FLATS! if not my legs will just break. and more lesson prep. and more slp.

had wanted to go to e lib today to return e bks that were due. but my legs were aching so badly. aft taking e bus to e mrt they hurt lyk hell. so i decided to miss 1 train and just rest my legs. but when i stood up it got worst. so i decided to just go home. aiyes. another day of fines. but i tink my legs wun survive if i continue walking. oh wells. 3 more days!


the swim worked wonders! just threw everything out of my head and swam.

came back. had a bath. watched some tv. and did 2 lesson preps. typed 谚语and惯用语 lists. was rather happy with what i had done! so wanted to try out e sims 3 that als dl. but it really lagged. so i decided to clean up my comp. transfer all my exchange photos into my hard drive. and tried again. praying hard that it wont lag. and yes i managed to create new chars, buy house start playing. but halfway thru tutorial it hanged and died. apparently it was a graphic card prob. :( i wanna play!!!

today 3 more lesson preps. type 成语 list. which is alot more. i tink got 300. perhaps do some ppts for lessons. count and note feedback forms.

busyyyyyy.... but i still wanna play sims 3. sighs. i'm so sad now. i need some motivation to work la.


i am in a really disgruntled mood today! rarh!

with the lousy virus going ard, we all have added workloads! no more lesson observations but 30 solo teaching periods next wk. i will die la. just staring at e diff syllabuses stress me to e core alr. but to make myself happier i'll just tink of it as having a chance to experience real teaching. do or die man! pls pls students be good.

fyp meeting early july is not providing any less stress too. i've scanned thru my 2 nlb bks but still not enuf info to decide on any focus topic yet. i need more bks and more time to read them.

and i see no reason in you asking for unavailable dates when u dun even take them into account when planning the schedule. and why is there no equal distribution of duty slots? am like damn busy now but i still have to make my way down twice a month when there are 3 pianists. not to mention the songs now require much more practice den before. and of cos i haf to swop duties la. cos you scheduled me on my unavailable dates! rarh.

maybe i shld just go for a swim to cool myself down.